Screaming muscles.

My muscles are going to scream tomorrow. That, I’m pretty sure.

I like my Wednesdays’ routine – breakfast, prep to leave house for gym, gym, lunch, coffee, work – wait for the boy to be done with work, dinner.

Today I attempted the following at gym: bodypump express + hardcore + zumba.

I swear, my limbs felt like dropping off during zumba when we had to swing our arms in the air. I almost wanted to walk out of hardcore, then I looked at the clock and reminded self that hardcore was only 30 minutes long. Instructor almost thought I was no novice to hardcore, until he suddenly remembered I ran out of class immediately after intro to bodypump last week. The look of recognition on his face when it dawned upon him, was amusing. Had a good chat with the zumba instructor post session – she teaches salsa professionally in the evenings! Hence she’s teaching zumba fitness classes in the day, and she just started. She did divulge that she’s considering moving to the US for more opportunities as a dancer. I really like her sessions – am going to miss it when school starts!

My muscles are going to scream tomorrow. That sentence can’t leave my head.

Am still very cautious about the whole gym idea – I don’t know how I can sustain it during school term and I have to find some way to do it. My mum is amused – she asked me to buy a second sports bra (to counter the whole ohmigod I need to wash the sports bra tonight so that I can wear it for tomorrow morning’s session) and I’m hesitant. I don’t know why I’m being hesitant but I am just being extremely cautious. I don’t want to start buying attire and I don’t sustain it in the future. For now, any old clothes + the ff attire would suffice. I actually quite like the ff shit, but I prefer my own fbt shorts, have got more than enough for that.

I’ll consider getting a second sports bra.

It’s been a productive wednesday, as compared to monday and tuesday. I was behaving like an absolute sloth on both days. This means I’ve got to get out of the house to avoid slot-like behaviour.  This means I have to spend more money. Not the best thing, but if it gets me to be more productive, perhaps.

The holidays have officially moved into double digit december. Am already starting to feel the shit-my-holidays-are-ending emotions. Need to get out more.

Self, stop being a sloth and spend 75% of the day in bed.

Get up, get out and get moving.

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In the last month..

I’ve been rather quiet. I can’t quite remember the small little things, but I do remember the big ones.

1. We went to Sydney! (Y)
2. School holidays started (approximately 3 weeks back actually).
3. I signed up for a gym membership!

My body is aching like it has never ached before. I need to get in shape – I recognise that I am extremely unfit and I have to do something about it. This should keep me going, at least for December. We’ll definitely need to work something out when school term starts.

Sydney was real good – the food the places and the locals. I haven’t quite decided if I prefer Melb or Sydney more – it’s always that debate, isn’t it.

A first.

At the specialist centre, with a referral.

I really don’t like how the body has been breaking down one too many times this year.

This time, it was the ears. To be more specific, the right ear.

So, all sorts of tests were done on my ears and I particularly took delight in the audio test – I think it had more to do with putting on the headphones and testing if I could hear the different frequencies in both ears. It’s the audio geek in me, I swear.

Also a first, getting examined by medical students. It was a rather interesting experience, watching the medical student rack her brain thinking of all possible questions she could ask me, before she presented my case to her supervisor (i.e. my doctor). She was definitely nervous, and she definitely was the extremely studious sort.

As she sat in front of me asking all sorts of questions, I tried to imagine my doctor friends in that position, knowing full well that they’ve done something similar before. It warmed my heart a little, oddly – while I obliged to be the case for the medical student and tried to give her as many details as possible. Felt like I was doing my part to help them, indirectly of course.

Age is catching up with us – the second last time I saw my GP, he was subbed by a doctor who was probably just a few years older than me. Reminded me of WH actually, and we had a good chat about Gravity before we went on to talk about my ear condition (he asked if I was recently exposed to loud noises and I wondered out loud if Gravity had any loud explosive scenes and he answered my aloud question for me. As it turned out, we both watched the movie on Hari Raya Haji.)

One day I’m gonna walk into a clinic, and have an acquaintance smile back at me. We probably would’ve went to school together a long time ago, we’ll try and put faces to names and we’ll probably ask which classes we went to, or try and catch up awkwardly – but it’ll eventually become a doctor-patient relationship, if such scenarios ever happen.

Taking the time now to check out the new Starbucks at Metropolis – it’s really cosy and nice. However, it bears the same problem as the Starbucks @ Rochester – its overwhelmed with students from the neighbouring schools, one in particular. It’s really nicer when there’s less people.

Addiction.

To the RT, the Ender’s series and Spotify/8tracks.

Once you start, you really cannot stop.

I don’t know how I’m going to survive without the RT after I return it. I really have no clue. The RT + the touch cover has demonstrated to me how relevant it is to me with my tech usage habits. It has shown me that I can get used to using the touch cover, even though the type cover will probably be easier to pick up on first use.

I really might just get the Surface 2 when it comes out. I don’t even need to make sure it has tons of space because of the USB3.0 port. I just need thumbdrives. I should see if I can run programs off my thumbdrive. Won’t it be amazing if it can? Beams.

Have been recently extremely addicted to Twisted Sisters’ We’re not gonna take it.

I can’t put my finger on why I’ve been this addicted to the song, but many a times, I catch myself changing the lyrics to “I’m not gonna take it anymoreeeeee.” Speaks volumes about my current work environment.

I really do wish there were more official apps in the store though. I really wouldn’t know what to do when the Nexus 10 comes out. Somehow I never quite saw the Android/Apple tablets as productivity tools, unlike the RT. One wonders why.

I can’t put the Ender’s Series down. Currently reading Ender’s Shadow and laughing to myself like a weirdo at Starbucks Rochester. Trust me, Starbucks Rochester on a Sunday is no joke. Though you can actually observe the habits of the young ones here – I reached at about 1015 and there were quite a fair number of seats. Most of the patrons then were parents, or middle aged. The young ones only turn up at about 11 and they crowd around looking for seats, oblivious to the fact that the seats are taken up by the older generation (yes I put myself in that group now). They make a heck lot of noise disturbing people and I really don’t know if they’re here to work or to socialise. I get the feeling that they’re here to be seen, and not work. Too much talking, too much hi-byeing and too much dressing up for a Sunday morning.

I really wish the Starbucks at Metropolis is open on a Sunday morning. I didn’t want so much buzz on a Sunday morning you see. All I wanted to do was to listen to my music, read my book and use my RT.

Need to search for nice quiet spaces within the west for some reading like this morning, instead of spending the entire morning in that black hole of my bed.

I’m really amazed at how fast I can type on the touch cover now! It’s amazing!

Beams. I’m really gonna miss RT so much when I return it in two weeks time. Meh.

Spotted.

By an ex-school student (whom I didn’t teach before) when I was buying Krispy Kreme. She told an ex-student of mine and then he gleefully texted me.  I actually thought for a moment that he was there, but he couldn’t have – because had he been there, he would have made certain that the entire world knew that I was his teacher, and the entire world would know my surname. Perhaps, full name even.

Yes he is THAT loud.

The remaining conversation with said ex-student over whatsapp cheered me up, after a gloomy day in school.

Conversations with the League, the 3 girls and the ex-unit make me miss the people very much. That easy camaraderie we had and still have, the common interests that we shared and the intelligent conversations we could have with one another, together with the nonsensical silly ones that we would have as well.

After finishing reading the Ender’s Game yesterday, I wished I was going to see Tom today because I know I can go to him for anything sci-fi related – games, movies, books and anything under the sun. I wish I could talk to him about Papers Please because I’m on Day 2X and I want to bounce ideas and spoilers off people, without having to google for the answers myself.

Thank goodness I’m meeting them for dinner next Friday – though I have to get to JP in time for our late night Thor movie, which we have already booked tickets for.

Ender’s Game with the boy, Catching Fire with Roo. Reminder to self – reread The Hunger Game series before watching the movie.

Am currently halfway through Ender’s Shadow, because I read that the upcoming movie is not entirely out of the Ender’s Game itself. It merges details from both Game and Shadow because they run parallel to each other, just from different perspectives. Oddly, I’m enjoying Shadow more than Game – perhaps I can empathise with Bean more than Ender himself.

Will get back to reading, while waiting for the boy to turn up with dinner. I can’t wait to start the marathon of comedies tonight – I really need something funny to get over this extremely depressing day. Even Krispy Kreme couldn’t work its magic.

Krispy Kreme

Woke up dreaming of that, amazingly. Makes me wonder if it’s a sign that I should head down to town today at 1230, just to walk around and get some.

It’s the second day of the #ohpleaseclock4hourseveryday period and I’m almost bored out of my wits. I would like to clear my station, but the only thing that needs clearing is my worksheets cupboard that should only be touched after the paper on 7 Nov. Everything else is pretty much cleared, because I’ve got that neat freak in me.

Am extremely reliant on the typing sounds in RT to help me with typing. As a result, instead of listening to Spotify this morning, I’m listening to 8tracks instead on the RT, because there is no Spotify in the app store. I recently realised that you can tell the general users of the music applications by looking at the available playlists in the apps. Recently I tried to look for rock music, more specifically arena rock, in 8tracks and I couldn’t find any, not a single one. All I could find was indie rock, indie music, indie indie and more indie. Not that I mind indie music, but when one craves for the classics, one needs the classics. Thankfully, I have my usual providers on Spotify to keep me occupied.

I suspect most of the 8tracks users creating playlists are young people, people who are wannabehippies hippies. As you can tell from the no mention of the iPod, I’ve long left it aside. I need to bring less gadgets around. Might revive it for the Sydney trip, me thinks.

So to help me tide through the 4 hours today, I’ve brought things along to read. I’m 20% into the Ender’s Game (the boy has been going on and on about it every time we pass by the movie poster) and I’m determined to finish my Time and EW (with JGL on the cover squee!) during this time. I’ve also got my RT with loads of magazines in Zinio to occupy me if I want to read, and I could always watch my guilty pleasure on xinmsn (horrors!) if I want to. I just need to remind myself that I have things to occupy me, instead of listening to conversations around me that I’m not interested in.

I am really considering that Krispy Kreme outing (plus I love taking 502 to town and back – gives me chill time to listen to my music and read my books).

Behind these seemingly random and aimless talk, I worry about my tinnitus problem, which I will see a specialist next Wednesday afternoon. Am rather freaked out by it, with the constant sounds happening in the right ear. Then I wonder if I can claim the fees from insurance. Something to remember for the next time I guess.

Went for Zumba yesterday with Ling and it was fun! Halfway through I got really winded (says very much about my current fitness level) but it was still fun letting your hair down to the club-like music played in the dance studio. Golden Mile Complex is really very inaccessible. Meh. It was a good workout, but it doesn’t work out your muscles as much. Good for a get-your-butt-off-the-chair routine, but for more serious exercising, it might not be that good a choice. The boy was observing the class from the outside (he only made it for dinner) and he commented that it really depends on the amount of efforts you put in for yourself.

Oh wells, should check out the ones in the west – they have a few sessions at Bukit Batok and Clementi.

Time to get started on something – I sure hope 4 hours fly by faster today, as compared to yesterday.

It’s May.

Yeaps 4 full months have passed by and one more month left before the June holidays come and go in a flash, yet again.

Think I might be working right up to my London trip. Before I leave on 7 June, I am already down for a conference from 3 – 5 June, very possibly a Netball camp on 6 – 7 June and  I’ve got a morning course at Malan Road on 7 June itself. I’m pretty sure I’ll fall right asleep when we board the plane at 9pm at night.

Of course when I come back from the trip, the last week of June is packed with remedials with my graduating classes on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. School starts right after that, with my event opening Term 3. Having said all that, I shouldn’t worry too much since the school doesn’t worry that much. Should I?

On good days (when I tell myself to not give a shit about anything), I think to myself that I just might hang in here, because I have a lot of free time on my hands (because I don’t give a shit about anything). On bad days, I lament the lack of growth and structure, I lament the company and the fact that I feel terribly lonely there.

I think I really don’t know what I want.

Next year is going to be a crazy hectic year with the incoming new place and the wedding. Do I want to complicate matters more by starting afresh somewhere, provided I can find that new place? I haven’t quite made up my mind yet.

Heck, I haven’t even fully made up my mind about where I want to go in London (the specifics) and I am thinking about next year, which I know I should be doing.

It’s nice to be able to come home on a Friday afternoon, grab lunch along the way and go home to eat, while watching some quality Survivor episodes. The show has picked up its pace post-merge, with everybody coming out to play. Watching Andrea’s face go “whaa-tt??” in this week’s episode was epic. I rewatched it several times. Of course, the episode where Malcolm threw out not one, not two but three hidden immunity idols made that episode one of the best episodes ever in the history of Survivor – I rewatched that too.

Now I’m seated in bed with my very awesome laptop blogging my evening away, contemplating the future. I can’t see what the future holds.

I do know one thing – I really quite like teaching. I can’t say I love teaching right now because the situation has made me rethink and reflect and doubt myself one too many times. However, one recent post from an ex-student made me realise that I have been doing this for a damn long time. On one hand, I worry that it’s the only thing I know how to do (technically I think so) and if I were to consider switching industries, I worry that I’ll have a tough time adapting. On the other hand, there’s that inner craving on wanting to try something completely different, before the interest in teaching completely fades away because of the situation. The inner gut feel that keeps telling me – if I don’t switch now and try something new, will I ever move out of the comfort zone?

I moved out of my comfort zone and landed in a piping hot mess. I could try and get used to the piping hot mess and make it slightly comfortable, or move again to find that place I’ve been thinking of, or dreaming about.

I am not sure what I should do. I am not sure what I could do.

Continues to contemplate too much for the month of May where my marking will only come in 12 days later. In the meantime, I’ll attempt to find something to do.

When Thurs feels like a Fri.

Feels damn shiok to be going on course tomorrow. Old friends, new content – don’t know if I’ll be using it next year, but it’ll feel damn good to be learning new things and using the brain for once.

There are so many things missing in my life right now, but I can’t put my fingers on exactly what it is. Am very glad to have the support of loved ones at this moment in time, with good friends sending me emails of possible alternatives. Glad to have a good friend to talk to at work, and wishes desperately she could be seated closer to her to make life at work less miserable.

Lugged home a pile of marking, only to be reading for the last two hours on the Kindle, and listening to Straight No Chaser. Am missing out on coffee sessions with friends, making new appointments for them. I really can’t wait to catch up with J – it’s been such a while and we’ve got so much to rant about!

I have no idea which direction or where I’m headed in – but I wish things could be so much more different. I’ve got to figure it out soon, and decide which direction I want to head in.

 

 

 

On a much much lighter note, the boy is finally an official Dr Tan – he has passed his oral defense! After all these hard work – finallyyy! Had a mini celebration yesterday at Star Vista and it was so much fun. :) Almost to Graduation! :)

Week 9.

It has been a depressing week. I need new distractions, new goals, new motivations in life. New things that are not work related.

I crave for that after work drink I should be having with RL next week.

I want to sing out loud, “I want to break free!” – you know, that Queen song.

I just took a midweek jaunt to town today, having escaped from school in sheer desperation. Anything to get me as far away as possible from the source of my misery. It felt free for a while, to stroll down a not-so-crowded Orchard Road, sit at a relatively packed Liat Towers Starbucks and drink coffee. It helped that the boy was with me, keeping me company. We seldom get moments like this, him being free on a weekday.

I had a good evening session with Shu and Ling on Monday night, cooking dinner and chatting over dinner. We talked about everything possible, especially everybody’s plans. I wonder where everybody will be in 2 years time, geographically. We should have sessions like this more often – cheers to lifelong friendship!

I miss meeting up with my friends. Perhaps more midweek jaunts to town are in order, to catch up with friends whom I should be putting in more time and efforts with.

If I can’t get my work/job in order this year, then I should have personal goals and aims to achieve.

It’s already March! Urgh.

Amazing first day of March.

And we all thought I was gonna spend it a sad and lonely girl.

Well after the previous sad entry, I reached out to two friends and asked if they were interested in joining me to check out MAAD and/or the Barbershop at Timbre. Both friends turned me down kindly, for various reasons. To be honest, I was pretty dejected for a while (while feeling even sadder for self) and I was pretty sure I would go home, have a nice nap in the afternoon and read/mark the evening away.

The boy then texted at about 5pm yesterday, saying that he managed to apply for a day off and he said I had to have dinner with him since he was booking out that night. The sweet sweet boy saw my sad little entry here and decided he’ll try his best to come out and spend the day with me! Complete turnaround of events omg!

With the last minute availability – we made it a point to spend it very well.

We hit Regent for a spot of afternoon high tea (which was so soothing and calming we both felt like sleeping after a while), went to Kino to browse magazines and then headed down for MAAD at Red Dot.

MAAD this month was of a smaller scale, but there were nice new finds! Bought myself earrings and had a good chat with the maker (on how this will just stay a hobby, and she was still a student, and it’s her third time here). Then I was humoured by a teaching comment on a printed shirt, and started chatting with the owner of the stall. As it turns out, he was an ex-teacher, left after 4 years and started his own business. We hit it off really well, and he thought I was an English teacher (see I really should be teaching EL!). The conversation went on for a while (oh the ranting all came out – I was ranting to a stranger, omg. Roo I really need to meet up with you soon. :/ ) before we left the stall. Shortly after, he ran after us and he passed me his business card, if I were to ever consider leaving the service. A small, but good, opportunity came my way this evening!

We ended off the walkaround MAAD by sharing a Mojito Ice Candy from Stoone Ice Candy and it was uber shiok (given the really hot and humid weather recently). We then decided to try our luck for dinner at Tori King since we were already in the Tanjong Pagar area. We queued for an hour, ate for 15 minutes and decided that we still prefered Nantsuttei at Millenia Walk. At least now we’ll never need to queue for a minute longer at Tori King. I was amazed at how I managed to stand in line for 45 minutes (the boy made me sit down for the first 15 minutes) and didn’t turn grouchy with my tiredness setting in.

It was a really splendid day with the boy out on a weekday. It felt really really nice.

Now I should really turn in, considering there’s still that donation drive happening tomorrow morning. I have armed myself with recycling bags for the kids, and my camera to capture the moments. I wonder how my kids would respond to the camera. Hmmms.